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I Am So In Love With *You* [entries|friends|calendar]

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[ Thursday | May 13, 2004 | 1:28pm ]
[ mood | hot ]

I made a new journal because WAY to many people started reading this one. So, my new one is friends only. Everyone on my friends list now is on my new one already.


Hope you like!


Wish Upon A Star

[ Sunday | May 9, 2004 | 8:30pm ]
[ mood | Still sad... ]

It's kinda funny... when you have a bf or gf and your happy, you feel happy for people around you that have a bf or gf.. but when you get dumped by someone, you kinda hope that everyone breaks up and feels what your going through. It's kinda like your jealous because your not happy anymore. At least that's how I see it.
I am so dreading school tomorrow. Do you know how many ppl r going to say that they're sorry tomorrow. I'm going to feel really bad n want to cry. People are just going to make tomorrow even harder..
And I'm sick and tired of people saying that Brandon is gay. He's not. Just because he dumped a girl doesn't mean anything. I have stuck up for him so much it's not even funny. Even after all of this. That kid owes me big time.
Mom found out. I think she is even more mad than me. If I mention Brandon, she is just like "ahh i hate him grr". I'm sick of it. People think I'm so stupid for even liking him still. It's not that easy to get over someone. I've said it before, I don't know y I love him, but I do. I can't help it. And personally I don't want to quit loving him. I know I probly will eventually just because there is most likely hardly a chance that we'll get back together, but I'm hoping.
I was checking my voicemail outside today and when i sat my phone down, Jonthan saw that my screen saver was "I 'heart' Brandon" He asked me if I was going to change it and I said no. Because I do love him. N i stuck my tongue out at him. Ha.

I miss him already...

1 Not WishedWish Upon A Star

[ Saturday | May 8, 2004 | 10:41pm ]
[ mood | A little bit better.... ]

I don't know where to start. ha. Well, lets just say, I told him how I felt. That really didn't matter, he said "get over me". So ok. I won't, but oh well. I'm not upset anymore. Well of course I am a little. But, I think, I'll be ok... We're still good friends.. i think so anyway. I mean, how can I not be? We're really close. And plus I love that kid. :) He told me he loves me still.. whether he still does or not, I don't know. But that's what he said. That's always good to know. Maybe there will be another chance for us. I really believe there might be. Of course, I can't get my hopes up, cuz I'll be twice as crushed, but.. yea. If he still loves me, n misses me, I'll be right here. I know what your probly all thinking, "ahh he made u a total wreck, he broke your heart, blah blah blah." But, I really don't care... I know that is probly bad.. but oh well. I really do love him. And I know I always will. People will probly say, "you'll drift apart, they all do" But I am going to try my hardest not to let that happen. Cuz, even he'll never love me again, we're gonna be friends. Good friends, i hope. Dude, I think I love this kid way too much.. It is kinda weird, but I can't help how I feel..
I think I'm gonna get a new journal, I don't know what it'll be yet, but i'll tell u guys. N I know for sure it's going to be a friends only one.....



3 Not WishedWish Upon A Star

[ Saturday | May 8, 2004 | 2:23am ]
[ mood | Still fucking upset...... ]

I have made myself absolutely sick because of crying. I feel like my head is going to explode. I have cried ALL day when I was by myself. When my mom came in, I just made up some lame excuse why my eyes were red. It kinda sickens me to see myself so broken up over him. I feel like such a complete loser who screwed everything up. I think this is all because of my freaking gossipping. I tell ppl to many things about him, he finds out, n hates me. So yep, it's all my fault, and now I'm paying for it by making myself sick because of crying so much. I told him everything was ok.. but it's not. And if I would tell him this, it's not going to change his mind about me. I screwed up one too many times to get him back now. But god, i would do anything... You guys have NOOO idea. It's not even funny. At first I was mad, now i'm just so incredibly upset. I hate myself. I don't think. That's my problem. I never once thought that if I told someone something about Brandon, i would pay for it later. I thought he loved me like i love him. But once again, I'm wrong. I fucking give up on everything...
Look at a comment I left on kristi's lj one day...
""Hmm.. I don't know what to tell you now since you said that you don't want anyone to tell you you'll get over it. You don't know how many times I prayed that I would never wake up the next morning like a year and a half ago. But for some reason everything turned around. I got Brandon and he makes things a whole lot better, and ever since then I have been doing better in school and haven't been so down all the time.""
I don't think he realizes that he means so much more to me than he thinks. God I just hope i wake up tomorrow and he says to me "I've been thinking, i was wrong. i'm sorry. plz go back out with me" But i know it's not going to happen.........

1 Not WishedWish Upon A Star

[ Friday | May 7, 2004 | 9:01pm ]
[ mood | numb ]

I don't want to get over him. I love him. What do you think the chances of us getting back together are? Most likely slim to none, but it's just a thought that makes me feel a little bit better. It's only been a couple hours and I am already tired of crying and I'm so upset. Life completely sucks anymore...

Wish Upon A Star

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